I feel it is appropriate to reflect on all the things about
Africa that I love, since I am leaving for 3.5 months. I have officially been
in Tanzania for a year and a half now; a year and a half of many changes, many
ups, many downs, a year and a half of decisions both good and bad, a year and a
half of growing and learning, a year and a half of building a life and it doesn’t
stop here. The changing has only just
begun, the hard times, the good times, the learning, this is where it all
begins. My days of traveling alone have ended, I will forever have a travel
companion now, be it my fiancé Sifeli or my coming daughter; there will always
be someone with me. For most people this may be a comfort, but I have always preferred
the traveling alone bit, no one to worry about but yourself, only one schedule
to plan around; fortunately I live in Africa, the best place to learn the true
meaning of patience, a skill which will be put to great use.
As I prepare for a trip back to America, a place that holds
many pieces of my heart, I am bringing two huge pieces with me from a place
that holds many pieces as well. My two worlds are coming together, my two lives
(is how it feels sometimes) are colliding, my family and roots with my new family.
People that I have loved my whole life are now going to come into contact with
someone I have chosen to love, someone I have learned to love, someone who has
created half of this small human growing inside of me. I have started to feel increasingly
emotional over all the new things that are coming, and I think I have hormones
to thank for that. As the time comes closer to meet the little one inside of me
that I already feel I know, I feel the ache to hold her for the first time. To
finally have her in my arms, to look into her face, to know that she is God
given and God chosen, and knowing that there is nothing more beautiful than
that. While there are harder days to come, days that will feel never ending,
days that will feel impossible to finish, days that will make me want to run and
hide, there will also be days of beauty. There will be days filled with
laughter, and joy, days when she first rolls over or sits up, days when she
learns her first words or takes her first steps, days that are God given.
“To be honest, my heart often still aches. For these and
other close friends and family still spread across the globe. Sometimes I feel
as though my heart is scattered in a hundred pieces, with the people and places
God brought into my life and I into theirs, for a time. A time I often thought
was too short.”
-http://www.stpetersfireside.org/2014/04/hearts-full-hands-open-adieu/
As the time approaches for us to take that first official
step towards our new life, that first official step on the plane, a world of
first awaits for Sifeli and I am excited to be along for the ride; seeing him
experience everything for the first time forces me to really see things for the
first time as well. Not only in the life I have always known but in my new life
here as well. He will now understand the differences, the things I cannot even
begin to explain. He will experience the things I experience here every day;
language difficulties, cultural differences, environmental differences, a new
world. While I have been preparing my whole life to leave my home and head to
the other side of the world, he has never considered stepping more than 500
miles outside his. I know I have mentioned before how he is the only Tanzanian I
would ever have to convince to come to America, and I am not joking. While this
seems like everyone’s dream, to him it’s a nightmare, a nightmare he is going
to live through, the boy could use a little shaking up, but a nightmare full of
unknowns none the less.
As I pack up our stuff into neat piles and prepare for
another trip between my worlds I think about all the things I love about this
place. It’s the simplicity of the life that really entices you. It’s the days
that are filled with work to survive, not to become rich, it’s the food that
you eat knowing your hands are the ones that worked the earth it grew in, it’s
the washing clothes by hand, the spending hours to cook a simple meal of
potatoes and vegetables for your family, it’s the welcoming everyone and anyone
into your home and sharing what little you have, it’s the sense of community,
it’s only having things that you need, and learning what a true need is.
As I pack our stuff up and prepare for our journey a mouse
jumps out of my bag and runs away, after a moment of panic (luckily no premature
labor) I just have to laugh. I no longer see things the same way, I no longer
see this room as a place I would never step foot in in the states, while it’s
not my American self-standards of a good room, there really isn’t anything wrong
with it; clean sheets, towel, swept, mopped, and a new bar of soap every
morning. It has working electricity, working shower, working fan, and to top it
all off it only costs $9. Our favorite
place to eat is next door; Chipsi kuku or French fries and chicken. Once again it is not a place I would likely
ever eat at in the states. There are a few cock roaches running around, a cat that
comes and goes freely begging for food, they wash plates in a tub of water
without soap (as far as I can tell), but they serve the best chicken and for a
cost of only $1.80 there really isn’t much to complain about. One day Sifeli
and I are eating there and just talking with the staff when they start to get
very busy. They are all up working and soon I am handed the baby to feed and
Sifeli is helping to skewer meat. Yesterday this lady comes selling fresh juice
from used soda bottles and of course I had to buy one. It’s the times I went to
the only milk factory in town and there were ants and cock roaches running around
the counter top; or the mice running along the edges of some of our nicer
dining areas. (Dirty dining would have a field day in this country.) It’s the
times in the village where they never use silverware and you are the only one
who looks like an idiot eating rice with your hands, everyone else makes it
look flawless and does so gracefully. It’s my new life and I love it more and
more every day, not to mention it’s half of where my coming daughter is from.
I had my first official family get together with my
Tanzanian family last weekend. While I had met many of them on different
occasions, this was the first time I was meeting them, as one of them. One of
the things with Tanzanian culture is family involvement is almost 100% in each
other’s lives. We went to his family to tell them we were going to America,
asking for their blessing in a sense. They all received me with open arms, but
first they wanted to know what the price for me would be. After jokingly asking
how many goats they would be willing to give my father (Tanzanians don’t joke),
we told them there would be no price. They basically all wanted to give Sifeli
a piece of advice for America, and while they all said the same things,
everyone had to have their say. They told him to behave; I told them no problem
my dad was a police officer, they told him to work hard to help my parents, to
learn English as much as he could, and the best piece of advice; to listen to
EVERYTHING I told him! That’s right I get to be the boss and his family was the
one who made it that way! After much discussion over the same things we all ate
potatoes together, as a family. This was a special event and they even supplied
spoons to use. Seems like such a simple and ordinary thing, but it was a very
special thing for them to supply. They also worked very hard to use only Swahili
as much as possible, and that alone is the nicest and hardest thing for them to
do, especially in a family setting where their first language would come so
easily. That alone made me feel treasured and welcomed.
The kids are all doing well at Sunrise. IN addition to our
new milk cow, we also have 30 more chickens. We are growing fast and not taking
no for an answer. Once again it was hard to say goodbye to the kids. Even
though I have already proved to them that I will return, they had doubts this
time again. They kept telling me not to leave, but I reassured them I was
returning, and yes baby Avery is coming with me. Jeneti, our oldest and the one
who is graduating in September, was concerned that I would not make it for her
graduation. I told her she is the whole reason we are coming back when we are,
and that brought a smile to her face. She said she wants to live with me after
she finishes school and help with her baby sister. I have a feeling that their
break times from Sunrise are going to mean that we have a full house of
children on a regular basis, something I cannot be upset about. These children
are so beautiful and I would take them in anytime, especially when they are all
offering to help wash diapers!
We are down to a countdown of hours now, leaving for the
airport in just 3 hours, leaving Tanzania in 6. Home tomorrow morning at
11:30AM! Please be praying for our
travels, and Sifeli’s stress level, and mine as well. And hey, see you all
stateside!
