Change is coming

Silly Ima

Sunrise News:

"People often ask me what Mother Teresa was like. Sometimes tis like they wonder if she glowed in the dark or had a halo. She was short, wrinkled, and precious, maybe even a little ornery, like a beautiful wise old granny. But there is one thing I will never forget- her feet. Her feet were deformed…. One day a sister said to us, “have you noticed her feet?” we nodded, curious. She said, “Her feet are deformed because we get just rough donated shoes for everyone, and mother does not want anyone to get stuck with the worst pair, so she digs through and finds them. And years of doing that have deformed her feet.” Years of loving her neighbor as herself deformed her feet."   

-Shane Claiborne

Things are moving along quite nicely at Sunrise. We have a new volunteer now, her name is Gerusa, and she is wonderful. The type that likes to jump in and get her hands dirty, and she is coming at the perfect time. So many things are changing and I can’t help but feel like things are all going to work out the way they should. Of course we have God to thank for that.

We have finally extended our garden space, and around 80 cabbage hybrids were planted. Our current garden is starting to bloom, and we are now able to eat the greens and carrots from there. The farm is finally up to date!!! The potatoes are now ready for eating so every other day we dig some up for dinner. The Corn is now finished as far as fertilizer, chemicals, and “piling up” around the plants goes. The children’s families came out to help us plant wheat, and that is coming up nicely as well.  We don’t have to do any work there again until it’s time to harvest in about 4-5 months! Our avocado trees were not doing well, but I used my connections to bring someone in who is an expert. (My new “uncle in law”.) He came out and said that the trees were looking weak, but also extended his hand to help us do the needed work to bring them back!

The newest and biggest news is the new addition coming to Sunrise! The business men from Uhekule, who now work in Njombe, have decided to purchase us a milk cow! That’s right folks, Sunrise will now be the proud owners of a cow. A good milk cow can produce around 20 Liters of milk A DAY! We will obviously use some for the children, and then we will start our milk selling business. Gerusa and I have even discussed learning to make cheese!

 

The children are wonderful as usual. We just celebrated our first birthday of the year 2014; Tumpe is now 14 years old! Like usual we purchased a new outfit for our birthday child, a new dress! As you can see in the pictures below!

We will be making lots of changes within the next few months at Sunrise. New staff will be coming in, as our current staff are around 20 years old and looking to go back to school. Bibi Kay will be returning beginning of June, but planning to leave by the end of the year for the states. Lots and lots of changes, and God’s hand is in it all.

Personal News:

“It’s not the healthy who need a doctor but the sick. 

I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” 

(matt. 9:12-13)

The gospel is good news for sick people and is disturbing for those who think they’ve got it all together. Some of us have been told our whole lives that we are wretched, but the gospel reminds us that we are beautiful. Others of us have been told our whole lives that we are beautiful, but the gospel reminds us that we are also wretched. The church is a place where we can stand and say we are wretched, and everyone will nod and agree and remind us that we are also beautiful.

-The irresistible revolution, Shane Claiborne

Things are going well with the baby and myself, and also her father. For those of you who might want to know more about the mystery man here I go:

His name is Sifeli Nziku, he is 26 years old, Tanzanian (which means we are getting an oreo baby!) and he is wonderful. Out of everyone I believe that he is and has been the most excited for this baby. From the first moment we found out, he has loved her and wanted her, and never second guessed it; something that I honestly have envied, his sureness about her. While as her mother, the one carrying her I should have that, I should know that this is a blessing in a dark time, the light in the darkness, but instead it is something I have had to been shown, it’s something I have had to see other people fall in love with first, before I would let myself. This little girl has a special man in her daddy, and for that I can never be more thankful. 

I have to say that over the last few months he has changed, and changed in so many good ways. It’s hard being in this culture at times, because women are women and are meant to obey men. You have duties as a wife and those are to cook, clean, take care of the children, and do not expect any help from your husband. Your husband probably has multiple wives anyways and therefore lots of obligations. How do you teach someone that having multiple wives is bad, when it’s all they have ever known? Their father did, his father did, his father did, and so on down the line. When everyone in your life has more than one wife, how would you ever know that is wrong? Since our relationship began I have told him that it is wrong to have more than one wife. I have tried to explain that its about more than being with multiple women, that its about being with someone you love, someone you want to be with all the time, someone who can be your friend, someone who will be your partner, someone you want to share your life with. At the beginning of our relationship he didn’t understand that, not that he was out with a bunch of other girls, but it wasn’t a conviction for him; however recently he gets it, he sees the pain that it can bring, he sees the joys of being with someone who you enjoy, someone who is your friend, someone you can work together with, he sees what loving someone looks like.  I was telling a friend here that I got lucky that things changed with him, that he gets it and that he loves me, and she reminded me that it isn’t luck, its God working in this situation.

He has one of the kindest most generous hearts around. He loves to give, and give, and give some more. His parents died when he was really young, around 14 years old, and he quit going to school so he could help take care of his even younger brothers. He is one of the very few who has VOLUNTEERED to help at Sunrise, for no pay. He came and chopped a week or two worth of wood, is helping us on cow fencing projects and whatever else we may need. I am constantly falling in love with his heart and his goodness. 

He is probably the only Tanzanian man to be truly excited for his coming child. He wants to know everything; when she is kicking, how I am feeling, what are we going to name her, what week are we at, he wants to feel her kick, he laughs with me when my belly is moving around from all her commotion, he thinks her nighttime activity is funny and my constant need to pee, he wants to be a part of it all, and that is the way it should be. He told me recently that since I am carrying her for the first 9 months, the next 10 (after she is born) are on him. 

Sifeli does not speak English, but is slowly learning and will be learning very quickly when in America. He did not consider the fact that when he got himself a white fiancé, that also meant a whole lot of white family, I come from a long line of them you know. Just him agreeing to come to America is amazing, something I never thought would happen. He doesn’t do well outside his comfort zone, and this will be SO FAR OUTSIDE, but that is what happens when you love someone, you get sent to America for the biggest shock of your life. 

While plans for the future are not yet set, (when are they ever) we are working out the details of what our return from America will be like. But before we can do that we are working on getting his visa so that he can go with me for the birth of our baby!  The Njombe immigration processed his passport paperwork quickly and sent us to DAR, with the name of a friend who could help us get the passport even faster. We arrived in DAR on Sunday night and headed to immigration the next morning. They processed and finished his passport before the days end and this morning we went to pick it up. We have completed the online paperwork for the VISA, but have to wait until Friday for his embassy appointment. We have to prove beyond a doubt that he will be returning to Tanzania. Please be praying that things will continue to fall into place, and that he will get the visa. I don’t think I could enjoy my time home as much if he were not there to share in the joy of it all as well. 

Again I just want to thank everyone for their kind emails, and words of encouragement. You all mean so much to me, thank you for letting me share my life with you.

James 5:16

While this is the letter i wrote for my church, it's always for you my readers as well. Plus i will be adding more information so that everyone is up to date with what is going on.

Dear Readers,

This is a hard letter for me to write, and it will probably be hard to hear. There isn’t an easy way to say this, or a pretty way to word it, so I am just going to tell you; I am pregnant. I went through a time where I wanted to take things into my own hands, decided that I know what is best for Courtney, what I think will make me happiest, and as everyone knows, that never works out. You just continue down this road of loneliness and guilt and your days are full of regret, and then you remember that God’s ways are always better, that his plans, his path, are always, always, always the best.

The bible says in James 5:16, “Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with.” (The Message)

So I am coming to you, and confessing that I have sinned. I am asking for your forgiveness, and obviously God’s so that I can be right with Him and right with all of you too. 

It’s been a hard time for me, since I found out. I am not even 100% sure that I wanted to have my own children, these kids at Sunrise more than fill that part of my heart, but this baby is coming, and just so you know it’s a girl. While I have been living in a state of denial for some time now, there is a verse in the bible that I have always loved and it has a whole new meaning for me now.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

Psalms 139:13-16 (NIV)

I have to believe that while this baby is not coming into the world in the God perfected plan she is a plan none the less. While she might not have been the plan that I wanted or that my family wanted or that you my church wanted, she is and always was a part of God’s plan, and that gives me hope. Hope for myself, and hope for the future. This baby is part of a plan bigger than me, bigger than my mistakes, bigger than this world, because she is God’s plan, just like all of us are. And what a beautiful thing that is.

I am sure you are wondering what this means for me and Sunrise, I still plan to fill my commitment of 5 years here. I am coming home to have the baby, and then returning to Tanzania. I have spoken with the director and she said that she loves me and will support me in any way that she can. While having a baby is going to make things a little more challenging, it won’t take anything away from my work here. Not to mention the 16 brothers and sisters this little one will have. I still feel led to be here, to continue to be a constant for these children, to continue to love like Jesus, and until God says otherwise Tanzania is home. 

Again I am writing this letter to ask your forgiveness, and to make things right with all of you and with God. While I am sure you are all in shock now, and this will take time to digest, if you want to know anything else please don’t hesitate to contact me, my email is c.hohensee@yahoo.com. You are all family to me, and I want to be as honest and open with you as I can.

Love, Courtney

The plans:

I will be coming home the last week of May before I hit the 35 week mark and can't fly. Her due date is June 27, which my mom told me was also my due date (but i was 2 weeks late). We are currently trying to get her father his passport and visa so that he can also come to the states for her birth. So please be praying that all works out, and it doesn't go on "Tanzanian" time. We hope to stay until the end of August, or beginning of September, so hopefully she'll have lots of time with her American family before we return to Tanzania. 

As far as how the baby and I are doing, we are fine. Things looked great at my last appointment. She moves all of the time now, and her kicks are starting to get stronger. She seems to favor the night time movements, which are slightly less convenient for my sleep.

I just want to end by thanking all of the people who have sent me such touching words of encouragement, and advice. It means a lot to have so many people who love and support me, especially in a sensitive time.

The best is yet to come!

 Many Exciting things are coming to Sunrise. This month has been full of much anticipated meetings, and finally getting the deeds to Sunrise land. We finally had our very first trustee meeting (Sunrise is now a trust) and it went extremely well. The trustees gave us a lot of really great ideas, and things to focus our fund raising efforts on. As you all know, our main goal is to make Sunrise self sustaining. We grow our own food, and are slowly expanding the garden space to grow more, we have 75 avocado trees that will be producing in 2 years time, and a few other small projects, but its time to think BIGGER. The trustees suggested that build a larger carpentry shop, with about 6 machines. They say with this we can mass produce furniture for schools and companies in the area; things such as tables, chairs, bookshelves, beds, cabinets, etc. They also think that we should also build a store, and sell things that Uhekule and surrounding villages need. An expat in Njombe is working for a company that sells fertilizer and chemicals and things for the farm, people in our area have to pay for these items to be transported from Njombe, BUT if we sold them near by it would be much easier and cheaper for them. The man in Njombe says that he will supply us the things we need for our shop, and help transport them here (to Uhekule). Kay is going back to the states in about 2 weeks and will hopefully be able to fund raise for some of these projects!!

The kids are all doing well!! One of our boys is 13 and in the 4th grade. He came to me the other day and asked if we can get him bumped up a grade or two, because he just realized he will be 17 when he graduates Uhekule primary! He says, "Court-ta-ney, i will be mzee sana!" (i will be very old). He is always the child that is good at everything, top of his class, speaks the best english, great at all the sports he plays, great at all the board games, basically anything he does he excels at! We are in the process of trying to get him moved up, but its not something that they usually do so we are being faced with a lot of hoops to jump through.

Back a few weeks to a month or so ago, one of our girls was at school complaining of a headache and her stomach was hurting. They teacher called me to come get her, but then called again to say she had fainted in the classroom. Our Handyman drove up to the school to get her and brought her back to Site, she was not responding so I told them to take her over to the dispensary. When we got there the nurses thought maybe dehydration, I said great, start that IV. Next thing i know they are trying to force water down this poor none responsive girls throat. I tried to tell them they can't do that it's dangerous, and would never get enough water into her system anyways. I ran back to site to get the "Where there is no doctor book" so that i could show them what to do. By this time she had woken up some and they told me they couldn't do the IV because she refused. I said, "She's 9 years old its not about what she wants, its about what she needs." My frustration was building and so I finally call Bibi Kay (who was in town at the time) and asked her if we could take her somewhere else.

One of the major problems with healthcare in this area is that they use antibiotics for EVERYTHING. They hand them out like candy and for anything you come in with; headache, stomachache, colds etc. Things you would not use antibiotics for, things that usually lots of water and rest can fix. A doctor in the area (who is from another country) said that there is now a new strand of Malaria that cannot be treated with the medications they have now. This is due to the fact that they treat everything like malaria, and give you the medication for it, even when it isn't, and the excessive use of antibiotics.

So back to the dispensary, they then bring in a syringe with something in it. I ask the nurse what it is, she says antibiotic (with the expression of no duh) I took it out of her hand and said you are NOT giving this child an antibiotic. They say, "then what kind of medicine do we give?" I say none, the IV would've done just fine. So the story ends when we finally get this poor child to another hospital where they know not to give out malaria medicine and antibiotics for everything, and they conclude that the child was indeed dehydrated. She is now back to normal and learning the importance of drinking water.

I am waiting for the medical officer to return from her Vacation and then I would like to educate her on antibiotics a little and show her some material that I have received from nurses who go overseas and educate on this very thing. It's such and important thing for them to learn, and a life saving thing too!

We are working hard in the farm right now, trying to get our corn caught up. We have 6 acres of corn and 1 of potatoes. We decided this year to only plant enough potatoes for our own consumption, and it turns out we made a good choice too. The southern highlands (where we live) is the area that supplies potatoes to the rest of Tanzania. Usually if you are harvesting them now, you can sell each bag (which is about 250lbs of potatoes) for around 50,000/= tsh ($31.00) and therefore can make a great profit, but for some reason this year they are only selling for 22,000/=tsh, ($13.75) which is ridiculous! These farmers literally work themselves to death every year in their farms, and to be taken advantage of is so frustrating. Especially when the "middle man" is making around 70,000/=tsh ($43.75) for each bag he sells. But the farmers here are just thinking in the short term, the needing money now, and the buyers are taking advantage of this.

We have a new volunteer coming to Sunrise! She arrives one week from today from New Zealand. Her name is Gerusa, she is in her 30's and very excited to come help us here. We are also excited to have higher-ed a retired teacher from Tanzania to help at site as well. She will come once a week to teach and tutor our children in the subjects they may be struggling in. It will be great to have an actual teacher here to help out, especially because we cannot teach all of the subjects to the children. Plus it will be nice to have another volunteer to hang out with, although i have become accustomed to having the whole volunteer wing to myself!! But I guess I can share :)


(I was trying to upload some pictures but the internet is not allowing me today, 3rd world country and all! Will try next time I'm in town!!!)

First Blog of 2014

“But what we really need is God. What we really need is someone who loves us so much we don’t worry about death, about our hair thinning, about other drivers pulling in front of us on the road, about whether people are poor or rich, good-looking or ugly, about whether we feel lonely or about whether or not we are wearing clothes. We need this; we need this so we can love other people purely and not for selfish gain, we need this so we can see everybody as equals, we need this sour relationships can be sincere, we need this so we can stop kicking ourselves around, we need this so we can lose all self-awareness and find ourselves for the first time, not be realizing some dream; but by being told who we are by the only being who has the authority to know, by that I mean the Creator.”

-Donald Miller

The children have returned. These empty rooms and halls are now filled with children’s voices, laughter, and joy. I now hear constant “Court-ta-neys” through my window. And now we have sixteen children. We just added another little girl, her name is Halima. Her mother just passed on December 12, and this little girl needs lots of loving and prayers. It’s so hard to know that these children have lost so much in such short years, that they have seen pain that I have never even known; and yet I keep thinking how amazing our God is. He takes people who are broken, and lost, and hurting and he takes their lives and turns them around. He takes these children who have lost so many loved ones at such a young age and turns them into happy, no worries, full of life children. If he can do that for them, he can do that for you and me too.

Halima!

 

 

 

We are in our summer right now, which means lots and lots of rain. The rain here is different, it’s not a steady rain, but a rain that when it comes it POURS, and since the roads are dirt, it makes traveling anywhere, especially by foot, next to impossible; and it always brings thunder and lightning. Since we are at such a high elevation I feel like the lightning strikes close, much to close. There have been people in other villages that have been struck recently, which make me yell and scream at the kids to get their takos (bottoms) inside. 

Like I have mentioned before I have a special talent for potato farming. Apparently I impress my fellow Tanzanian workers with my ability to wield a jembe, or hoe. (I still am not quite sure if this is something to brag about or not yet.)These aren’t like the American type, they weigh 5-8lbs, and they are much larger too. Anyways, so I might be able to do it, but at a much slower pace than the Tanzanians and also for a lot shorter of a time period. But none the less the rest of the villagers get this bug eyed look on their face when they hear I am able to do the work. There is also lots of laughing involved when it comes to looking at my hands that still get blisters because they aren’t calloused over yet. One thing I have had to get used to in Tanzania, is always being laughed at; when I speak their language, when I work, when I smile, when I wear their style outfits, just about anything I do induces laughter, which when I really think about it is kind of a beautiful thing, always able to bring out that kind of happiness in others, even if it is in terms of at you instead of with you. 

On Sunday after church and lunch I took the kids up to the soccer field at their school. The boys played soccer and the girls hung around with their friends who eventually made it my way to sit with me. Now that my hair is shorter there isn’t as much braiding to be done with it, but the girls still like to try, and their friends think it’s funny to touch my hair too. 

I’m learning a lot of patience again. I think I am always learning about patience. I want to stress over the little things, all the time; like shoes being all over the dining room, or having to repeatedly tell the kids to shower, this happens rarely, or things not being done the way I would’ve done them, or meals not being on time every once in a while. I have to pause and ask myself, “Courtney, are these things really worth stressing over?”

“Well probably not but-“

“Sometimes there are shoes all over the dining room, is it hurting anyone that they are there?”

“I guess not.”

“Kids will be kids you know.”

“Yea I know.”

“Why is it so important that things be done your way if they are still getting done, and correctly?”

“Well I guess that doesn’t matter so much, but meals should be on time we have a schedule to keep!”  

“Is it really hurting anyone to eat a little later??”

“No, but-“

“Is someone going to die if we eat dinner late sometimes?  They are cooking for 20 people.”

“Well when you say it like that, I guess it’s not that big of a deal.”

I wish I was kidding but sometimes I really have to have a conversation with myself to work out these sorts of issues that I sometimes have with myself. Sometimes my rational side has to put me in check and put things into perspective for me. Truthfully most of the things I work myself up over are things that are really not that big of a deal, and honestly things could be a lot worse than shoes in the dining room, and meals being eaten later. At least I know that we live in a home filled with love, and that is more important than anything else. 

Big things are potentially coming our way, if it’s God’s will of course. This Methodist organization from the states is sending a pastor our here on January 20th to check out Sunrise and maybe approve us to be taken under their wing. What this means for Sunrise is that we will finally have a place to send our money, expense free, and they will sign us up for getting volunteers sent out here. We are looking for volunteers to come for at least a year at a time, and they will be our “sisters”. (Since this is the hardest position to keep people in.) The more exciting thing is that they have a process for screening volunteers and will only send us people who fit our criteria completely. What this means for Kay is that she can have the out she needs, as she is retiring in August, and will only be coming back for a few months a year. What this means for me is that I will continue to be the manager/director at Sunrise, and will be training the new volunteers who come in. I am also looking at the option of finding a house in the village to live in, one that is hopefully close to site, so I can just walk right over here every day to work, but yet have my own space to relax in. While I love living at Site, and moving into the village means roughing it village style, I know that I need to think sustainability for myself and maybe having a little space to call my own in my new life will bring me just that. And it won’t change things that much I will still be a hop, skip, and a jump away from site, where the majority of my time will still be spent! 

My adjustments back to Tanzania have been a little rough, as previously mentioned. I feel like this time around and for a while now, I have been leaving God out of my life here. I have put him on a back burner and started trying to live on my own, seeking happiness in other people. It’s funny how I find myself doing this over and over again. I start living my life for God, following where he leads, knowing that the happiest I have ever been and ever will be is in the center of his will and yet I still stray. I still try to make my own happiness, try to find my worth in the world instead of in the God who created me and who is the only one who can tell me what my worth is. 

I’ve come to the realization, with a lot of help from some great authors, and a lot of nudging from God, that I will only have good relationships with people when I stop looking to them to redeem me; when I stop hoping that they will give me my worth. Because basically what it comes down to is everyone, at some point or another, is going to let you down; everyone that is but God.  I’ve been reading these amazing books on loving like Jesus did, about being an example of him, about his life and how he spent it, and the reoccurring message is that we are all sinners who fall short of the Glory of God, we all make mistakes after mistakes whether we want to admit it or not, but the beautiful thing about Jesus is that he knew all of this about us before he came to save us. That even though we are all these awful things most of the time, He still loves us and he still chose to die for us. I don’t know about you but if someone loves me that much even though I screw up and try to do things my own way, even though I constantly try to find my worth in other people, and the even” though’s” is a long list, but the point is that he still loves me enough to die for me, then why would I turn to anyone else to find my worth as a human being? 

“Imagine how much a man’s life would be changed if he trusted that he was loved by God? He could interact with the poor and not show partiality, he could love his wife easily and not expect her to redeem him, he would be slow to anger because redemption was no longer at stake, he could be wise and giving with his money because money no longer represented points, he could give up on formulaic religion, knowing that checking stuff off a spiritual to-do list was a worthless pursuit, he would have confidence and the ability to laugh at himself, and he could love people without expecting anything in return. It would be quite beautiful really.”

-Donald Miller

Some Pictures From when I first arrived back in Uhekule!

The kids running to the car!

Trying to get the car door open!

Hugging!

Combined birthday!

Akwirino, Elenesta, Ziada