"I didn't think you would come back, but you did!"

I am anxiously awaiting for it to be time to return to Uhekule, to return to my 15 beautiful children. I spent two nights in Njombe because I had been so sick traveling I needed the time to rest. Now it is Monday, the day I return. Kay and I have many things to accomplish in town and spend the day running around from one place to the next. I am so ready to head back I can barely stand it. The longer it takes in town the more I feel that I will never be returning and I will be stuck in this place of waiting, forever.  Of course I am being dramatic and I know that I will be there soon, but the anticipation is killing me. 

On the drive there I am half listening to Kay and half imagining what it’s going to be like when we get to the orphanage. If I am truly honest with my emotions, I am feeling more nervous than anything. All the what ifs are running through my head; what if the kids don’t really care I’m back, what if they forgot about me, what if, what if, what if. All the while just trying to remember to breathe and take in the scenery of the home I have been absent from for 6 weeks. 

As we finally pull in to the road that will take us home my nervousness increases. The orphanage is in site and I don’t see any kids playing outside. I wonder where everyone is as we enter the grounds. When we round the corner I hear fifteen beautiful voices shouting “Court-ta-ney, Court-ta-ney!!!!” They all run out of the building and up to the truck screaming and smiling and jumping up and down. I cannot help the huge smile plastered on my face as my heart bursts with love. I try to open the car door but they are all crowding it, trying to be the first one to hug me. When I am able to step out of the car a huge group hug takes place and soon almost lands us all on our bottoms; each child jumping and reaching and wanting me to grab onto them.  I can barely take in all the faces before me but they are all there, each child, and they remember me. 

After about five solid minutes of just hugging and being with each other again things calmed down. Slowly I am able to hug one at a time, and say each child’s name, and connect with them all again. One girl says to me, “I didn’t think you would come back, but you did.” I grab her and hold her tight and tell her “Of course I came back, I told you I would!” This was my first big promise; this was my first chance to show these children that I would come back to them; that even though I went far away and was gone a long time I would return, because they are my home now. 

I ate dinner with my kids, we sat around and read stories and I asked them about what I missed, and they asked me about America, and it just felt like a normal evening in Uhekule. My heart was just so full of love, and joy, and I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around it all. I looked around the dining room and all the kids were sitting there, some were on my lap, some were doing my hair, one was reading me a book, some were playing uno, some were putting puzzles together, and I Just couldn’t shake the smile off my face. I was home. 

Each morning this week started with the children being almost surprised and excited all over again that I was there. I was back in the land of being hugged and kissed every five minutes!

However the first day I was back tragedy struck someone very near and dear to all of us at Sunrise. One of our Tanzanian helpers, Leida, received a phone call that her sister was very sick and in the hospital. She was going to go that night to be with her and help where she could. The next morning we were told that her sister passed away during the night. It was all very sudden, she hadn’t been noticeably sick, and she has a daughter who is only six years old. She had been complaining of some leg pain for some time, and the doctor’s said that she had bone cancer, but it was too late for anything to help her, and she passed away in the night. Our hearts broke and they still ache for Leida and her family, so please keep them in your prayers. I took the children to the funeral to give their love and support to Leida. It’s so hard to remember that death is a part of life and that it could happen at any time. How precious this life is that we have been given. I want to try to remember that as I go through this life;  I want to remember how much I need to cherish the people in my life and that every day is a gift that I have been given. I want to remember to laugh and love and smile. 

I have to be honest being back hasn’t been everything I thought it was going to be, I am kind of in a funk. It’s not that I don’t want to be here, because I do more than anything. It’s not that I am not happy, because I am. It’s not that I love these kids less, because I think I love them even more (if that’s possible). It’s just that I want to sit in my room and just be alone with me, myself, and I. Maybe I just need some time to reacquaint myself with this life.  Maybe I have gotten cocky and assumed that since I am happier this time around I need God less; when truthfully I need him even more now. I am headed into my second year of living in Tanzania, and now I know what to expect from certain things. I know how things are going to be working, and while I still have an endless list of things to learn, I am going in with some knowledge this year of what to expect. But as I am sure all of you with children know, there are some things you can’t anticipate, things are bound to happen and change, and they keep you on your toes. That Is the beauty of children. So while the other stuff feels like a repeat at least I have the kids to keep life spicy and new. 

That is what I am trying to focus on, the children, and the beauty that they hold. I am back to being mother to some, and Court-ta-ney to most. I am back to children jumping and climbing on me. Back to snot trails and dirty footprints on my clothes. Back to super hero band aids, and ouchies that can only be healed by me. Back to being laughed at as I try to speak Kibena (the tribal language). `I am back to being needed by fifteen little ones. Back to the best possible version of my life that I can imagine. 

"Create in me a pure heart oh God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me."

Psalm 51:10-12

Once again thank you for all of your love and support. I cannot even begin to show my appreciation for all the kind words, and emails of "Just thinking of you". And like always Karibu Sana! (Welcome)