Love Does

“I don’t think anyone aims to be typical really. Most people even vow to themselves some time in high school or college not to be typical. But still, they just kind of loop back to it somehow. Like the circular rails of a train at an amusement park, the scripts we know offer a brand of security, or predictability, of safety for us. But the problem is, they only take us where we’ve already been. They loop us back to the places where everyone can easily go, not necessarily where we were made to go. Living a different kind of life takes some guts and grit and a new way of seeing things… When you decide to drop everything that’s typical, all that is left is just a big idea about an even bigger God and a world that’s worn out from the way everyone else has been doing it." -Bog Goff

I had a really bad ear infection this week, and the last couple that I have had, (the last one being when I was 18) have been so painful. Well this one was a chart topper. We were in town doing the shopping and I had to catch a taxi back. It was a very typical taxi ride, but when you are in so much pain everything seems that much worse. When I finally arrived home I just wanted to be in my room to wallow in my pain, and hide my tears. Angel started to “mother” me, and make sure that I was ok and comfortable and had what I needed. After 6 months of being the one doing the mothering it was nice to be the one mothered, no matter how old you are. The next day I felt a little better, but since we have so many new little ones coming, there was work that needed to be done. I was outside checking the kids’ cabinets and beds and making sure things were in order when the boys came home. One of the boys, Elia, asked me how I was feeling today. I told him I was okay, and then he said, “Yesterday I pray to God for your ear.” How can you not just love these kids? How sweet and precious are these gifts from God. I think I can’t possibly love these kids more than I already do, and yet I still love them more and more all of the time. 

Frank (our new boy) and Yona

Sesilia (our new girl)

We have started adding our new additions to Sunrise! We were only going to take in 4 at this time, but one of the guardians for another child came to the meeting, and Corrinne and I couldn’t turn her away. So now we will have 5 new additions to our growing Sunrise family.  (3 Boys, 2 Girls) 

When the new children arrived our “old” children would make sure that they knew where their room was, where to put their stuff, where to find the shower and bathroom, they taught them about the chores, they taught them about the points, they taught them everything they would need to know without even having to be asked. When I open my curtains I can see the kids in the yard playing. Sesilia, our newest and youngest, was running around and fell down. Elenesta, one of our older girls, came over and brushed all of the grass out of her hair, fixed her clothes, and made sure her jacket was zipped up. It’s so great to see God in these kids. Kids have this amazing ability to just love, all the time. They don’t discriminate based on looks, or mistakes, it doesn’t matter what clothes you wear, or what car you drive, it doesn’t matter if one time you were the “bad guy”, It doesn’t even matter if you have a lot of stuff, they just know that everyone deserves to be loved. When you realize that everyone deserves to be loved, certain things just come naturally; you want to do what you can to help each other, to pray for each other, to tell someone how much they mean to you, to hug and give kisses, to constantly be surrounded by people, to always be giving because when you do, you realize how much you are receiving. Love has this uncanny ability to make change. It can change a child who is constantly running away, who feels alone, who feels lost, who feels unwanted, and bring him to a place where he knows he is home, where he knows he is wanted, where he can smile and be himself, a place that only love can create. It can change a lost, selfish, American twenty something year old into a person that won’t settle for mediocrity, that won’t settle for good enough, that won’t settle for anything less than a love that does what love does best; make change. 

Elisha and I have become great pals the last 6 months. He is one of my favorites (I have about 11 going on 16), and he often just wants to sit with me. We don’t do much of anything but sit and spend time in each other’s company. Well, the other day he hurt his hand and when he came inside he had his head down, hood up, and just came to stand beside me. I could tell something was wrong so I scooped him up and sat down with him in my lap. He just sat there with his head nuzzled in the safety of my neck. I held him like this for probably around forty minutes, just the two of us, sitting. I think love is like that sometimes too. Sometimes it doesn’t require a whole lot of effort; it just requires a couple of strong arms and a safe neck to nuzzle into. 

I started reading this book called, “Love does: Discover a secretly incredible life in an Ordinary World” By Bob Goff. I think I may have seen this book a time or two; it has a blue cover with some balloons. It’s about this awesome guy and his life that is full of love. A love that he saw in others, a love that he shows to others, a love that takes him places around the world, a love that changes and makes new, but mostly a love that does. He talks a lot about this guy named Jesus who just went around loving a whole bunch of people all the time. The more I read about Jesus, the more I want to know him, the more I want to give my life to him. He is the only one who asks me to give him all of me, including all the broken pieces, and then makes it into something beautiful. It might be a work in progress, and it might be a lifelong project, but he says I am worth it because he loves me. The even cooler thing about Jesus is that he feels the same about everyone. 

“The challenge that comes into sharp relief is whether we are willing to give up all we have to follow him, to know God. Are we willing to trade up? It’s a question worth asking because the answer will shape your life one way or the other…He asks if we’ll give up that thing we’re so proud of, that thing we believe causes us to matter in the eyes of the world, and give it up to follow Him. He’s asking us, ‘Will you take what you think defines you, leave it behind, and let Me define who you are instead?’”

-Bob Goff

I find that just agreeing to come to Tanzania wasn’t all God wants from me, just agreeing to put my life on hold for a year wasn’t enough, just living in Africa in an orphanage wasn’t enough either, just waking up every day and living wasn’t enough, just cleaning and working and doing wasn’t enough, even loving on a bunch of kids wasn’t enough of me. He wants it all. He wants everything I am ashamed of, every struggle, every moment of happiness, every moment of sadness, He wants me. What a beautiful thing to be wanted so intensely by someone, and not just any someone, but THE SOMEONE. 

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; you know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.”

–Psalm 139:14-15

Well I am currently waiting for my parents and bibi Kay’s bus to arrive in Njombe. Only about 3-6 hours left. (You never know with TZ buses.)They made it into Tanzania last night, however none of their luggage arrived. So please be praying about it! Other than that I cannot wait to see them!!!! :)

15 bundles of Joy

 

 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

-2 Corinthians 12:9-10

 MORE EXCITING THINGS have happened this week at Sunrise!! The first thing is that Angel and Brodyn have arrived! They are getting adjusted, but the kids LOVE Brodyn. Pretty much everyone in the village has never seen a white kid before. He is quite the spectacle. The next exciting thing is we have accepted four new kids to Sunrise; 3 boys and 1 girl!!!!!! They are coming next Friday the 24. Things are progressing here at Sunrise, and it’s so awesome to see God move. Bibi Kay did a HUGE fundraiser at her church this last week. We don’t know the total numbers yet but about 220 people were there. It was a silent auction, and I am told that a very substantial amount of money came in; money that we desperately need. 

I had my very first Tanzanian outfit made, complete with a head wrap!! It’s something I would never in my life wear outside of here, but it’s like their nicest item of clothing that they wear. The total cost for fabric was 30,000tsh and to get it handmade for me was 10,000tsh, for a grand total of $25. When Elia first saw me in it, he just paused and slowly said, “You are beautiful.” It’s so great having kids to compliment you all of the time! 

Quite a few blogs ago I mentioned that teachers can punish students by “beating” them. I always just thought this was like a spanking, and that was the best translation for it. I was at the school earlier this week and there was a young boy who was in trouble. The teacher took a stick and started hitting him with it, and he was crying and moved and she just hit the back of his legs. I think she hit him about three times, three time too many for me. I cringed and felt sick to my stomach, and if she had hit him anymore than that I am not sure what I would’ve done. I couldn’t believe what I had just seen and I still can’t. It fills me with so much anger and I am really struggling with this, this week. It was so hard to see it happen to a kid that I don’t even know, I couldn’t even imagine how I would feel if it was one of my kids. Priska, our special needs girl, came home from school. I was sitting on the floor in the dining room and she came to sit by me. She started to sit but then stood right back up. I asked her what was wrong and eventually got the story that she had been in trouble at school and got a beating. I almost lost it. How can anyone beat a child with a stick to the point that they cannot sit, and leave bruises? I then found out that it was from teacher that I know and am decent friends with, and I just lost so many degrees of respect for him. It’s so hard for me to wrap my mind around this, and even harder for me to accept it as something that “is what it is.” I just can’t see what makes this type of punishment okay. Spanking is one thing, at least you can gauge how hard you are hitting, but with a stick… I have been praying all week about this, because I don’t want to be angry about it. I have very strong opinions about this topic but I live in this village and I have to go about things in an appropriate way. I just have to pray, pray, pray, and pray about it. 

On a lighter note, all of the kids are wonderful as usual. They are getting very excited for new siblings to move in, and ask us every day when they are coming. They are also asking about a certain couple that is coming in one week. You might all know them as MY PARENTS!! They are leaving the USA on the 23^rd I believe, and will be in TZ on the 24^th. Then on the 25^th, bright and early, they will be leaving DAR for Njombe, where I will be waiting. I’m not excited at all. ;) 

I just want to thank everyone for their continued prayers, support, encouraging words, and donations for the kids. It’s really fun to get new things from America, and we always need new and exciting things. 

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

-1 Peter 5:6-7

God's Grace

The sound of children’s laugher comes through my window; a truly beautiful sound that I have fallen in love with. I open my window and watch them playing outside. They don’t know that I am there which allows me a chance to just watch and fall in love. I can’t help but smile as I watch these children, these children that I don’t deserve to have, these beautiful, wonderfully made children. I just can’t help but marvel at how great our God is. These eleven bundles of joy with pasts that bring tears to my eyes and God has given them a new life, he’s given them love, he’s given them happiness, he’s given them imperfect people to give them His perfect love. My heart is so full all the time; I didn’t even know that a person could have so much. There are a lot of really great reasons to love this life I have been given but sometimes the lows sneak up on you. To threaten my composure, to threaten my heart, to threaten my happiness, to threaten to take away the reasons I fell in love with Tanzania. 

I think back to the beginning, when I first left work, when I first left all the people I love, when I first left my home, when I got on that first plane, my first night in Tanzania, all times that were such a struggle for me. It was so hard to leave behind everything I knew to come to a place I have never been before, and I cannot describe how hard that first night was. I had just landed in this hot place, I didn’t speak the language, I didn’t know anyone, It was dark and I was headed to the worst hotel I had seen to date (not so true anymore). I hadn’t been able to contact my family, I hadn’t heard a single familiar voice or seen a familiar face, and I was completely alone. I cried myself to sleep that first night and I just begged God to ease my pain. I put all my trust in him that things would get better, that I would find the life I’d always dreamed of here, and that all the hard times I had just faced would soon be worth it.  It’s weird to think back to that girl who hurt so much in this place, who wanted to turn around and head back home, who didn’t love Tanzania. It seems like a lifetime ago when I went through all that. It seems like it was a different person, and in a lot of ways it was. I am not the same girl that got off that plane on November 14, 2012. I have changed immensely; I love so many things about Tanzania, I never cry for the life that I left behind even though there are days when I miss it, almost as much as I want to be here. I’m glad that I had a rough beginning because it makes me so thankful for all that I have now.

It’s a weird place to be, this place I am in now; this place of contentment and happiness. I know that I should miss home, and friends, and family so much it hurts, and I do miss them, but God is a wonderful God and if we are following him he gives us what we need to keep going. Even though life is easier now, in the painful loneliness department, I still need God to keep me going. I still need to be in constant contact with him, I still need to lean on him and his word, and I still need to learn to trust him with my life. I am taking this life day by day, and loving on eleven children that mean the entire world to me. And to think that soon I might have to love on even more children… what a hard life I have been forced into. 

When Corrinne and I returned from Iringa, I was so exhausted. I showered and went straight to bed, falling asleep at about 6pm. I woke up the next morning at 5:20am so that I could make breakfast. One of the boys ran up to me and gave me a big hug. “I missed you so much, Court-ta-ney!” I just hugged him back and smothered him with a million kisses. The truth is it had only been four days and I missed them so much too. The better truth is that I get to have these moments for at least seven more months. I know and trust that God has a plan for me that will make me this happy for many more times to come. Life isn’t always going to be easy, but I know what it means to be in the center of God’s pleasing and perfect will and that is something I am going to strive for, for the rest of my life.

In Tanzania, as a sign of respect, you call someone sister so and so, or brother so and so, and mothers are known by Mama (first born name). So for instance my mom would be Mama Courtney. Well other than the few times some of the kids have called me mother, mostly I am known as Court-ta-ney. This week some of the girls have now started calling me dada (sister in Kiswahili) Court-ta-ney, which is kind of a big honor. I am starting to feel more and more a part of these kid’s lives, and in bigger and bigger ways. I know I go on and on about how much I love these kids, but I just can’t help it. They are probably the best thing about Tanzania, the best thing about my life. One of the little boys, Elia, is one of those kids that everyone easily falls in love with. He is always giving me big hugs and we have this little game we play where I give him a million kisses as a form of “torture” and he giggles and tells me “no more kisses!” Then the next thing I know he is giving me a million kisses and then I pretend it’s terrible and so on and so forth. 

We had a rough couple of days this week too. Two of our boys, Elia and Ima, were seen with 15,000TSH, which in USD is not that much money, but for a villager it is A LOT of money. We asked the boys about the money and they said that it was another kid from schools, and that Ima’s brother had given him 2,000TSH. I asked them if this was the truth, and if I asked all of these people about this money they would say it was too. They said yes it was true. So two of the staff members and I went to investigate these claims. We went to the school and two of the teachers said they would pull these kids out of class (not that they are doing anything anyways) and we can ask them. After lots of story changing and this money came from here, and this money from there, we got our final story; the boys’ friend had taken 15,000tsh from his grandmother to buy gloves from our boys, gloves that they are given here for free. Ima confessed to stealing 5,000tsh from his brother, and they used about 5,000tsh to buy little things from the store. I told all of the boys that they had to go confess what they had done, apologize, and then they had to work off their debt for the grandmother and brother (and a few more punishments at home). I was thanking the teachers for helping us and she told me, “We are all parents and we have to help each other out.” 

On Thursday my devotional was about parenting. It said:

“It’s obvious that parenthood requires carloads of patience. And I could feel reasonably righteous about boisterously losing that patience when the going gets rough, if it weren’t for the fact that God has to lavish so much of it on me.” –Susan L. Lenzkes

I never once felt really angry or frustrated with the boys. I was a little baffled by the whole situation and at a loss for what was the best way to handle it, but I just kept thinking about this passage. I just kept thinking about myself, and the mistakes I had made in the past too, and it kept me calm and level headed, not only with the kids but with the staff too. I went through a period where I was negative nancy about everything. I couldn’t see the positive side to anything or anyone and I just let frustrations take me over. I have been working on it and trying to see all the good reasons that I had been missing. When I read this passage I felt like God was hinting that this applies to the staff too; that even though I have to tell them things more than once, and even though they seem to keep making the same mistakes, and even though sometimes I feel like I am more an adult than they are, when is any of this a good enough reason to stop showing love? Sure I could probably validate every feeling I’ve had. I could probably make a really good case for why I am right and why everyone should feel bad for me, and maybe that is all true, but what gives me the right to act that way? When I have been shown time after time this amazing grace from God, grace that I don’t deserve, at what point did that make it ok for me to not show them the same?

 “But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”- Matthew 9:13

We are all sinners. We all fall short. No one is perfect. Now this might come as a shock to some of you, I know I struggle with the no one is perfect part, but it’s so true. God did not send his only son to die for people who had it all together. Jesus did not die for a bunch of people who didn’t need him, and he definitely didn’t die so that we can be forgiven of our sins only to turn around and not forgive someone else.

God has already knocked me off my high horse, and is constantly teaching me new things, constantly showing me where I am short in the love department, and constantly putting me back on my feet and giving me more chances to prove that I am learning. And let me tell you, I am learning. In just six very short months God has done a 180 on me. He has taken this incredibly broken girl with so many flaws, so many mistakes in her past, so many regrets, and is molding her into a new person. He is telling me to forget the flaws, forget the mistakes, and forget the regrets, because he already has. He has shown me how much I mean to him by giving me this life that I don’t deserve. He is giving me this chance of a lifetime to show his love to so many people. He is allowing me to go through these lows so that I can truly appreciate all of the highs. It’s about time that I learn to give back. 

“…freely you have received, freely give.” –Matthew 10:8

Thank you again for all the continued love, support, prayers, etc that have been sent my way. Only two weeks until my parent arrive!!! 

“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” –Matthew 11:28

Busy Month

“If Christians believe that the image of God is in every person, why don’t we act like it? Why do we turn our eyes from the poor, the widows, the orphans, and the prostitutes? Although prayer is necessary and helps bring comfort, it’s not enough to truly alleviate suffering. God didn’t send His Son to pray for us but rather to act for us. The only thing that upsets me more than downright evil acts are people who allow injustice to happen with their inaction. Jesus transformed God’s, message into action, and it should be our mission to devote our lives to similar actions.”

-Becky, Draw the Circle

Big things are continuing to happen at Sunrise. We have decided to add more children. We asked for a list from the school of orphans in the village. There are 12 known “orphans” but only 7 of them are being considered. We want to take in children that need it, not children that are just considered orphans, but the ones who are in need. In Tanzania, it’s very common for family members to take care of children. So we have our list and the committee is going to interview each family and see where the greatest need is. Bibi Kay is hesitant about taking new children in, because we aren’t exactly sure of the amount of funds we have. I think this is our chance to take a leap of faith, and reach out to the need in our community. 

Things are going so good here. I am just so floored by how awesome God is. He puts everything together, and blesses us beyond what we deserve. I am just continually thankful for the children he has put into my life. I am not sure how it’s possible but I think I love them more and more every day, and that’s saying something since I am not sure how I can love them any more than I already do!

Corrinne and I spent the weekend in Iringa. It’s the closest “big” city to us (4 and ½ hours by bus.) It was such a relaxing weekend and much needed. I even did a little shopping! I found 3 new skirts, a pair of sunglasses, 2 pieces of fabric, 4 pairs of handmade earrings (made from coconut, cow bone, and wood), and a new wallet (also handmade). All of this cost 35,500TSH which is about $23. I also had my very first Tanzanian outfit made! I will be picking it up later this week, so I will post picture next time!

Even though Iringa was really fun, and I got to eat some pretty awesome American comfort foods (salt & vinegar pringles, nutella, club sandwich + French fries & REAL ketchup) it was so nice to get back home. I really miss the kids when we’re away. They are definitely the best thing about Tanzania and I don’t envy Corrinne as she has to say goodbye.

We’re in for a very busy month of May. This weekend Angel and Broden (our new volunteer and her son) will be arriving! The weekend after that Corrinne and I will be spending a day at the lake, yes lake, so that friends can say their goodbyes. Then the weekend after that….Bibi Kay and my parents arrive!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited and the children are thrilled to have all of these people coming. Lots of work and play to be done!

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. 

I have come that they may have life, 

and have it to the full.”

-John 10:10