Contentment

This week I realized that I would be content in either life God chooses for me; for the first time since coming here I can picture myself being happy in Africa or America. I have this new found faith, and this new need for a God who has always been there waiting for me to realize it. He has been there with arms wide open, with more love for me than I can ever know, with more patience, and forgiveness, picking me up when I fall, waiting for me to realize that the emptiness I have been trying to fill, can only be filled by Him. 

One of our boys, Goodluck left this week. His aunt and uncle in Mbeya (which is like 7 hours away) want him closer to them. It was really hard to let him go. I couldn’t help but wonder if he can really be happy somewhere else. How can they take him from this loving place, from all his new siblings, from his life? I prayed that God would change their minds and he can stay here with us forever and ever. But God says to trust him that he has a plan for each and everyone one of us, and I have to learn to let go. The same God, who takes care of Goodluck here at Sunrise, will take care of him in Mbeya. The same God, who sent me here to love these children with my whole heart, loves them even more than I do. If after only three months it’s this hard to let go, I can’t imagine what a year will do to me. If a year is all I get with these children, in this life, then I am going to live every day to the fullest, not hold anything back, give of myself 100%. 

The day after Goodluck left, we received a new child! His name is Yonah, and he is Elisha’s brother. We just found out that these boys are twins! He is so loveable and easily our most adorable kid. Corrinne and I were in town when he came so when we got back to Site I met him for the first time. He came right up to me and gave me a hug. He has easily fit right in around here. He is just as crazy, wild, loving, and fun as the other kids. It was cute seeing them help him get adjusted; teaching him about the point system, and showing him what to do with his first chore. I am fully aware that my life is fantastic, I have eleven daily reminders. 

I have been sleeping with the boys the last few nights, which is a job I take on happily. I love the late night conversations where they rename me. (I am now Courtney Cookie. Hohensee is too hard to say.) I love falling asleep to the sounds of them talking, or singing, or snoring. My new favorite sound is that of a child’s soft snore. It’s quiet like a whisper that speaks to your heart. That snore is only for you to hear, a sound meant to make you love them even more, if that is even possible. I just can’t help but think, how ridiculously lucky am I to get this life? I am in awe that I have been given these children. That God has blessed me so much, and is giving me the opportunity to spend a year falling in love; falling in love with these children and the villagers, with a new culture, with a new language, with a new country, with Him.  

This week I waited three hours on the side of the road for a taxi. It was really frustrating and I had to learn a whole lot of patience. At the same time it was one of the few moments when I got time to myself. I just sat in the grass in the sunshine and read; a small blessing in disguise. When a taxi did come I reached an all-time record for the amount of people in a taxi. Are you ready for this? We had 17 people (1 baby on someone’s lap) and a live chicken, in an 8 passenger van. Yep! That is exactly what I thought. There was an older gentleman from the village in the taxi, and the whole time he would say, “NICO! WAPI!?!?!” (Nico! (taxi driver) where!?!?!) It was quite the African experience! 

I have cried twice this week. Once when Goodluck left, and once for Hosea. As I have mentioned before he is having a hard time these days. He wants to live with his mother and she doesn’t want him home. We had an episode this week of him running off without telling anyone. When he came back he was going to pack his stuff and leave. I stopped him and we had a talk with a translator. He was crying and talking about how he just wanted to go home. My heart just broke for him, into a million pieces. How do you tell a kid that wants to go home to his mother that he can’t because she doesn’t want him there? Your mother is the one person in your life who is supposed to love you better than anyone else. Your mother is the one person who should never stop wanting you. I choked back tears as I told him that I wanted him here and that I loved him. He let me hold him for a little while as he cried and as I tried not to. I can’t even imagine what this little boy is feeling. I just hold him and pray because there is nothing that I can do to fix this boy’s broken heart, all I can do is try to make him believe that he is wanted, and he is loved. I thank God for placing me here in this life, for constantly breaking me, and giving me the strength to keep going.  

This week I read through the kids’ files; as if my heart has not been broken enough lately. My heart aches for these children; they are so young and have experienced pain that I will never know. Jeneti’s mother died in 2010, her father remarried and left her here in Uhekule. Priska’s family has a history of mental illness (mother and grandmother) and her father is unknown. Elia’s parents both died, his mother only three months after having him. Ziada’s father is dead, and her mother is suffering from HIV and cancer. Elisha and Yonah’s father is insane, and their mother is dead. Eliza and Ima have lost both of their parents. Elenesta, Hosea, and Tumpe’s fathers have all died, and their mothers do not have the means to take care of them. We only know birthdates for four of our children, the rest are estimations. This week Corrinne and I are making up birthdays for our other seven children. When I hear these kids’ stories, I am just amazed at how well our children are turning out. Eleven smiling, laughing, loud children and you would never know that their pasts are full of such pain. How can you not thank God, and marvel at how he works in people’s lives? 

I have fallen into this life with so much ease and that is something I can thank God for. Kayla, (from Njombe, whose family came for Christmas) had a friend come visit and she wanted to come to Site. She was overwhelmed by the craziness of this life, and the funny thing is I never realized it was crazy. Yes we have eleven children running around doing a million things at once, people screaming and laughing and singing at the top of their lungs, doors opening and shutting, all sorts of noises 24/7, Cooking for 15 people or more every meal, three different languages being spoken in the same house, kids constantly asking for things, all of this could make a life overwhelming. The strangest thing of all is I have never felt overwhelmed. I love the sounds of the children, even when they are yelling and screaming, I love that we have to cook for so many people, I love that there is so much diversity in one home, I love that this is my life and God has given me what I need to live in it. 

The last few days I have been taking care of sick children with fevers. There is something going around the school which the medical officer here has diagnosed as Malaria, but it’s contagious and all of the kids are getting it. They prescribe antibiotics for EVERYTHING. Literally EVERYTHING. We were trying to at least educate our staff on how important it is NOT to take them all the time. The kids are all so miserable!!! I feel bad for them, and I am trying to explain why certain things are important when they have such high fevers; such as drinking lots of water, not wearing so many layers, keeping them cool with wet wash cloths, and taking medicine to bring their fevers down. (Fevers are in the 102-103 range) I have a few more needs to add to my previous list for Sunrise.

-Blood pressure cuff/ stethoscope

-A wrist cuff (For them to use when there isn’t someone here who knows how to take blood pressures)

-An Updated Version of “Where there is no doctor, a village health care handbook”. Our version is from 1998, lots of things have changed.

-Medicine; Cough syrup, cough drops, child strength anything (wanting to cut back on antibiotics) creams for cuts, burns, and fungus. (Anything else you may want to donate)

Thank you for the millionth time for all your love and support. 

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in God.”

-Psalm 40:1-3