“…and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is
not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his
life for my sake will find it.” -Mathew
10:38-39
It’s funny to think that when I first came here I was afraid
God would ask me to stay, and now that I am here and in love I am afraid he is
going to ask me to leave. In three months I have learned so many things about
myself and more importantly about God. About who I am in Him, and the woman he
wants me to be. I have this new need for him that I have never had before, or
maybe never recognized before. The days are long and sometimes it’s hard to be
in a foreign place doing foreign things and He is always my rock. The other day
was rough and I had some alone time. All I wanted to do was talk to my Lord and
Savior, spend some time just working through my thoughts, and let him fill my
heart. We are in a stressful time here at Sunrise, unsure of the future or who
God is going to send our way. I know He has a big plan for this place, and he
knows what is best for these children and this village.
I have been reading a lot of books about Christians with
this amazing unwavering faith and I am hungry for the same. I want to be so in
love with Jesus that I trust him with all aspects of my life. I mean he did die
for me right? The least I can do is believe that the God who created me, the
God who sent his only son to die for me, the God of the universe, has a great
plan for me. A plan that is better than anything I could dream up for myself. I
can’t think of a single person in my life who is capable of that kind of love,
except for this awesome God that I know. I want to be so full of his love that
I cannot help but share it with everyone I meet. I believe that when God says
to “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Galations 5:14) He meant it. He meant love
the people who are different then me, who are poorer than me, who are richer
than me, who are hard to love, who are lost and struggling, who are Gay or
straight, who are black, white, green, blue, or purple, who are addicts or
alcoholics, who are prostitutes, and even those who are beaver fans.
I want to see the brokenness of the world, but more than
that I want to experience it. I want to be so broken by the heartache of my
neighbor that I share in their pain. I want to hear the stories that are hard
to hear so that it forces me to act. I don’t want to be comfortable in life
while others are suffering. I want to do anything and everything I can, because
I love the people that God loves.
Corrinne and I went to Malawi this last week. It was beautiful
just like all of Africa, but much, much hotter than Uhekule. We stayed in a
place called Chitimba Camp. It was awesome!! We had our own little one room
cabin, with two beds. It was really nice. It was the perfect break from our
life at Sunrise. I didn’t realize how overwhelmed I was getting until we were
there, and I had no responsibilities. I was just able to relax and take a
breather. I had my first hamburger since being in Tanzania; I didn’t realize
how much I missed meat!! We also had French toast and bacon for breakfast.
Bacon does not exist here, and it was so delicious! I am pretty sure they deep
friend the French toast, which was so interesting. I am still trying to decide
if I liked it or not. The beach was so nice. We were at Lake Malawi and it is
HUGE. We had to be on our malaria pills while we were there and it makes you
sensitive to the sun. I am getting used to this hot African sun because I was
barely pink. (I had about a bottle of sunscreen on, but still.)
(The Lounge) (Outdoor sitting area)
(Deep Fried French Toast and Bacon)
One of the days we wanted to go see if we could find some
fresh fish. So we went out to the village and met this guy who led us to a lady
who was going to cook for us. Turns out it was his sister, and we just ate at
her house. It was delicious though. Totally worth the search, and walk in the
hot sun.
(Our 5 Star Restaurant & Cook)
(Corrinne & I on the beach!) (Our Room)
I am battling a bit homesickness this week. I think it’s
the effects of everyone stressing out; not sure what is next for Sunrise, and
Kay and Corrinne are leaving in April. They have put so much work into this
place and they would hate to see it go to waste. I am just here, and filling in
where needed, doing whatever they ask of me. I find it strange that I never
miss America. I never miss my old life, not really. I miss my family, and
Roscoe (my puppy), and my friends, and my church. I miss my job. I miss being
really good at something. I was good at my job, I knew exactly what was
expected and how to do it. I miss my residents. I miss eating meat, good meat,
so I miss my dad’s cooking. I miss so many things and yet I have a hard time
placing myself back in that life. I am stuck in between two places that I love,
not really belonging in either one; at least not yet. God is changing my heart,
I feel like a different person already. I want different things, my perspective
on things has changed, my goal for my life has changed. I have decided that I
don’t want to do things “Courtney’s way” anymore. I want to do things God’s
way. I want to be in the center of his will because that is the only place that
I can truly be happy. That anyone can truly be happy.
One of our boys, Hosea, is having a really hard time. He is
constantly disobeying, or testing the limits. He is clearly unhappy here, and
we are at a loss for how to help him out. His mother doesn’t want him back
home, and that is where he wants to be. Sometimes I feel like I am making
progress with him and then the next day he is back to his old ways. I just ask
that you would be praying for him. I have a special place in my heart for him,
I have always liked the difficult ones. I am just not sure what he needs, or
what we can give him.
As usual we are having tons of fun with the kids. We taught
them Spoons the other week and that is now a favorite. We started watching
X-men with the kids. Africans love action movies. I assume it’s because even if
they don’t understand what is going on they can at least get into the action.
(Although Spiderman is still the favorite.)
Thank you all for your continued you support and prayers!
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