Giving & Loving

“Are you my new mother?” I look into the dark brown eyes of the child who asks. There are so many things in those eyes; love, joy, a hidden hurt, a longing for someone to belong to.  I smile and wrap my arms around her and kiss the top of her head. I am not sure how to answer that question. Of course I consider these kids mine, I have already claimed them, and they have claimed my heart, but I can’t promise her that I am. They are so used to people coming and leaving, a mother is forever. I know that God has a plan for these kids, and he will bring someone to them who won’t leave, who is forever, who is a new mother. Sometimes I am a little jealous of that person, sometimes I want to be that person, sometimes I have a hard time waiting on God’s plan for my life. 

Most Sundays I slightly dread going to church. As horrible as that sounds, it’s true. It’s hard to sit through a two hour service, where you know nothing that is being said, the benches are wood, your butt hurts after twenty minutes and your back after twenty five. The kids don’t even want to sit with you most of the time because their friends are obviously way cooler than you, even though you are mzungu. The best part is making faces at the babies who stare at you, and watching them giggle. But then there are Sundays like this last one. Seven of the kids wanted to go to church with me, and seven of the kids sat with me. When it came time for the offering I gave them all some change and they were so excited to be able to put something in the dish! After church there is an auction where items that were donated get sold. (If people don’t have money they give food or soap or things that they do have.) Sometimes people will buy things for the orphanage, but it’s not that often. This particular Sunday that was not the case. People kept buying things for us! We went home with six squash, two bags of salt, tomatoes, and onions. I had all the kids personally thank the people who donated and shake their hands. I realized that my presence is noticed, especially when I am toting seven kids around. That going to church even though I understand next to nothing, is important, if for no other reason than just to be supportive and involved. 

The weirdest thing about living in Africa is when people consider it an honor to meet you, and an even bigger honor to have you in their homes.  It’s weird because I feel the same way about them. It’s an honor to meet all these people, and it’s an even bigger honor when they welcome me into their homes. The villagers are such generous people, with smiles that reach their eyes, and a love that touches my heart. I was walking with my friend from the village when we met with two ladies. They eagerly shook my hand and were so excited to meet me they could hardly stand it. One of the ladies talked so fast and smiled so big and held onto my hand for a good five minutes. I didn’t understand a word she said and neither did my friend, who speaks the same language, but her excitement was contagious and I couldn’t stop smiling at her. I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day for that matter. 

I realized that I want my time here to be shared with the villagers too. They are obviously so excited to meet me, and talk with me, and I am really excited for those moments too. I know that God has put a soft spot for these people in my heart, and I want to show them that I love them. Corrinne and I talked about doing service projects with the kids. They have never heard of doing anything for other people without getting something in return, and we want to teach our kids how important it is to give, while showing the village that we care about them. I want to demonstrate God’s love to these villagers, in way that they have never seen or experienced. I want to learn exactly what it means to just give. I came here to learn to love and I want to do just that. 

We have started a bible verse of the week project with the kids. Every week we are going to teach them a verse, write it on the blackboard in the dining room, and at the end of the week if they can recite it from memory they will get extra points. (Ten for Swahili, fifteen for English.) It’s kind of neat to learn bible verses in Swahili too. This week we started with:

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” –John 3:16

“Kwa maana jinsi jii Mungu aliupenda ulimwengu, hata akamtoa Mwanawe pekee, ili kila mtu amwaminiye asipotee, bali awe na uzima wa milele.” –Yohana 3:16

Today is the first day of March, and therefore today is a fresh start. I have decided that my new goal is to learn ten new words in Swahili a day. I have flash cards and I am practicing like crazy. I want to be able to communicate with the villagers more effectively, and also with the staff. Plus I am living in Africa and what better way to learn a new language than to be immersed in it. I also want to totally show off when my parents come to visit! Haha!

I hate gardening and that blame can be placed on my parents. When we were little if we did something wrong or were in trouble we had to pull weeds. It traumatized me and now I dread working in the garden. Ok so maybe a small part of the blame is mine. Anyways, now we have a garden and we can plant things year round. I love it. I love that when I want a carrot I can just go pick it out of the garden, or some spinach, or cabbage, or whatever else we have planted there. Corrinne and I have picked a few seeds that we want to start planting, as a “special” vegetable. We are expanding so that we can grow more and buy less. The other day we had a meal of fresh potatoes, carrots, and onion out of our garden. 

I am happy to report that Hosea is having a good week. Not only did he do his laundry (took a while but he did it) he seems happy. He has been smiling all week and even giving me hugs on his own. I know that this might not last forever and bad days are sure to come, but for this week I am enjoying a happy little boy. Thank God!!

“You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body, you know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.” –Psalm 135:15